Si Dios Quiere

There's a certain level of comfort that comes along with knowing what lies ahead. Knowing what to expect or what is expected of you allows for appropriate plans to be made and preparations to take place. But that's not how things work here.

Aside from what it says about the apparent religiosity of the people here, the phrase Si Dios quiere ("If God wants", or, in more familiar English terms "God willing...") carries a connotation about a perception of the future, specifically the lack of focus on the future, that people have here in Port. Trying to get information out of somebody for an event two months--even two weeks--down the line can be downright painful. Even simple conversation closers like, "Alright, I'll see you next Friday" can induce a Si Dios me presta la vida (If God allows me to live [until then]). Cripes, people! All I wanted to hear back was a Va, pues (Alright, then).

This can be, for someone with my personality, quite a challenge. I like to be able to plan for the next step, to be able to make a schedule. My first reaction to the lack of setting plans for the future is What if... What if this happens? What if that happens? What if it's the day before classes and we don't have an English teacher (real life example!)? We need to have these things figured out!

But it also makes me consider my own propensity to overthink the future and not live in the here and now; and sometimes to the point that I start concerning myself with outcomes that haven't even occurred yet. Maybe you've had the same experience. If it's really bad, I almost get paralyzed by these concerns--I put off doing something because I don't want to experience one of the potential results I have in my head.

I've seen it in myself and other people--the tendency to create a new reality that is separate from the actual reality, and then worry about the new reality and live according to it. But that's not healthy. Nor is it productive. So I tell myself instead of forming new realities and living in the future, live in reality and allow the future to form itself.

Now, of course there are times when thinking about the future is appropriate...planning a celebration, working on a long-term project, putting money into a retirement account (of course, I could argue against this logic, using my timing of opening and dumping a bunch of money into a retirement account in August 2008 [If you don't get my drift, read here http://money.cnn.com/2008/09/29/markets/markets_newyork/index.htm]).

But getting wrapped up in the outcome and losing sleep over how well something will turn out is not worthwhile. It's funny - on my mp3 player I recently found a couple audio tracks from a hypnotist I saw in college. Maybe he's where I subconsciously started developing this idea from five or six years ago, seeing as though he talks about this very topic. Anyway, he suggests picking a future event, say something a week down the line. Then, everyday until that event, worry about it for an hour. It's kind of extreme, but that's essentially what people do--or at least I do--when I get wrapped up in something over which I don't have complete control. But it's really not worth it.

I'm sure I'll still have my moments when I got lost in thought about the outcome of something weeks or months or even years down the line. And I don't know that I'll ever fully adjust to this Si Dios quiere/Si Dios me presta la vida mentality that comes so naturally here. But simply catching myself when I start to create realities helps me to curb the anxiety, letting the future worry about itself.