Independence Dependency

I'm an addict. I've slowly come to this realization after sharing a house with two other people for the last eight months. I have a serious addiction, and we all know that the first step to solving a problem is stating the problem.

I am addicted to independence. I tend to rely on myself and do things myself. Over the past several years--specifically the three years I spent living on my own--I've developed a sort of fear of depending on other people to do things for me or on my behalf. I'm still not sure if this is a result of being let down in the past or if it's an anal-retentive personality trait that I developed on my own. Either way, I like to do things my own way.

It wasn't really an issue before and was actually quite conducive to living by myself. If a problem came up, I knew (usually) what caused it, why it happened and what needed to be done to fix it. Being independent, you're always on your own schedule and able to make your own decisions. You can do things the way you want to do them and control, to a certain extent, the outcome.

Having roommates has been a very good experience for me in that it has allowed me to see my dependence on independence. I still like things done certain ways, I won't deny that. I also think I've gotten better at not feeling like it HAS to be done those ways and recognizing that if it doesn't turn out the way I want it, the world actually will not come to an end. I've really tried to develop a mentality where all of my decisions take into account the people with whom I am living. Will they be ok with this? Should I wash this in case someone needs it soon? Could someone be sleeping or napping right now and how do I handle the noise I am potentially going to make getting such-and-such done. Simple stuff, really, but hard to get in the habit of thinking about when you're living on your own.

Now, I'm not saying I'm totally abandoning my independent side. I still like the experience of travelling and exploring on my own. I still feel capable of living on my own and will likely always have at least a slice of the mentality that I need things done a certain way. But I've also developed an appreciation for the company of other people and the benefits of a community life. Who knows if I'll live on my own or live with roommates back in the States. But hopefully the lessons translate not only to my living situation, but to other facets of my life as well.