Anicha

When Chepe, the coordinator of the Managua group, first told me about a silent meditation retreat, I was instantly intrigued to know more. You probably know I'm not one to talk a whole lot anyway, and I contemplated whether 10 days in silence might not do me more bad than good. But in the end, my curiosity outweighed my concerns, and so it is that I spent 10 days at La Casa de Retiro Las Teresianas in El Crucero, Nicaragua.

I got to El Crucero a little earlier than expected, and so I was one of the first people there for registration. After you fill out your information sheet, your connection to the outside world is taken away - cell phones, beepers, cameras, books, journals; anything that could potentially distract the mind is checked at the door. And with good reason, too. It's hard enough to concentrate for 11 hours of meditation without there being additional distractions.

After everyone got registered, we had dinner together. There was some small talk. Hi, how ya doin? Where you from? That kind of thing. But not a whole lot beyond that. Maybe this 10 days in silence wouldn't be so hard for any of us after all!

In the meeting that followed dinner, everything we already knew was re-explained to us one more time. We were to spend the next 10 days on the premises of the meditation center. We were not to engage in any conversation with any other participant. We were to maintain full physical separation from the opposite sex outside of the meditation hall. We were to leave behind any other spiritual/religious/meditation practices in order to give a fair chance to the Vipassana technique. And finally, in order to engage in Vipassana meditation, one must vow to follow a life of Sila (moral living) that includes the following five precepts:

1. No killing any living being
2. No stealing
3. No sexual misconduct
4. No lying
5. No ingestion of intoxicants

I know the no lying seems kind of easy - like, how do I lie to someone if I can't talk to them? Right...but these are five precepts that are also applied to life outside of the 10-day course.

After the meeting, we had our first group meditation session. The course is recorded on CD by what I would call the "guru" of Vipassana meditation, S.N. Goenka. The guy's been practicing the Vipassana technique for like upwards of 50 years now. He started in the '60s, eventually becoming an assistant professor, which meant he could lead these meditation courses. Well, his first students were his parents, late in the '60s. His parents like it so much and told enough friends that Goenka had to do another course for their friends. And then the friends told friends and it just kept snowballing until Goenka was travelling all over the place giving these courses until he first made a recording of them in the early '80s. Needless to say, dude knows what he's doing.

So the first meditation session was kind of an introduction to the course with some chanting in Pali and a "good night, get some rest before you get woken up early tomorrow morning." Since I was attending the course here in the Nica, we had the original recording of Goenka plus a Spanish translation throughout the course.

Our schedule for the 10 days (with slight changes on the 4th and 9th day) was as follows:

4:00am Wake-up call (DING rang the bell repeatedly until everyone showed signs of life)
4:30am -6:30am Meditation in your room or in the meditation hall
6:30am-8:00am Breakfast and break
8:00am-9:00am Group meditation in the meditation hall
9:00am-11:00am Meditation in your room or in the meditation hall
11:00am-1:00pm Lunch and break
1:00pm-2:30pm Meditation in your room or in the meditation hall
2:30pm-3:30pm Group meditation in the meditation hall
3:30pm-5:00pm Meditation in your room or in the meditation hall
5:00pm-6:00pm "Dinner" and break
6:00pm-7:00pm Group meditation in the meditation hall
7:00pm-8:15pm Discourses from Goenka
8:15pm-9:00pm Instuctions for the following day's meditation and brief meditation session
9:30pm Lights out

I say "dinner" because it was probably about a hundred calories worth of some mixture of fruit slices and a cup of tea. Vipassana meditation is apparently best done on about a 75% full stomach, so they make sure you don't eat too much.

The discourses every night were great. Goenka touches on the history of the Vipassana meditation, tells some stories to help understand the driving forces behind Vipassana and addresses the intricacies of the technique. During the course, we could sign up for question times with the assistant professor (who is physically present at the meditation center and meditates along with the participants), but I found that if I was patient enough, all of my questions would get answered. The one time I did sign up for a question time, my question would have gotten answered the next night during the discourse. Goenka's pretty hilarious, too, so it was easy to listen to his talks.

The first full day of meditation, we started learning the Anapana technique, which is simply being aware of one's breathing. The first day was dedicated to increasing awareness of our inhaling and exhaling. The second day, we focused on feeling the sensation of the breath either at the entrance of our nostrils or on the skin between the upper lip and the nose. On the third day, we focused our attention on any sensation (itching, warmth, moisture, vibrations) that came up on that skin between the upper lip and the nose.

Doing this helped us to practice Samadhi (mastery of the mind). It's kind of like a warm-up to Vipassana. It starts sharpening your mind and getting it focused on being aware of sensations.

Then the fourth day was overwhelming, because we started the Vipassana technique which is to be aware of sensations on all parts of the body, kind of like how we were doing for the part between the lip and the nose. So you start with the top of the head, move down to the rest of the skull, the forehead, the nose...all the way down to the tips of your toes. Then you go back up to the top of the head. If you don't feel sensations on a part of your body, you're supposed to stay there about a minute and then move on if nothing crops up.

Of course, as we're learning the technique, there's a marching band going by outside - Drums, symbols, trumpets, bottle rockets...the whole deal! I was giggling to myself when I heard it. The first day of meditation, I had been frustrated by hearing cars and trucks pass by on the road outside and having all these distractions, but then I realized that I'm probably not gonna ever have a sound-proof meditation room to meditate in, so I'd better learn to ignore all the extra-curricular activity. And by the end of the course, I was barely even thinking about that stuff.

So from the fourth day on, we practiced the actual Vipassana technique. The three times a day when we had group meditations, we had Aditthana, sittings of strong determination. The idea was to not move your legs or hands or open your eyes for the full hour. I made it through most of them, but there were a number of times when I was apparently not determined enough. Back pain.

You might ask, what's the point of all this sitting and being aware. Well Vipassana meditation incorporates two main themes - the law of impermanence and equanimity. Anicha is a Pali word that must have been used hundreds of times between the meditation instructions, the discourses and the chantings. It means change or impermanence. Goenka would remind us time and again that any sensation we were experiencing had the same characteristic as the next sensation - that of arising and passing away. Nothing lasts forever. For that reason, we are to be equanimous toward these sensations, never becoming too attached to those sensations that we deem pleasurable or creating too much aversion to those sensations that we deem as not pleasurable.

The theory, then, is that by controlling our reactions to these physical sensations, we can then control our emotional reactions to circumstances in everyday life. All emotions have a physiological basis and we attach positive and negative labels to the circumstances in our life. In doing so, we essentially are living in misery all the time. It sounds like kind of a downer attitude, but only if you don't want to work out of your misery. See, for most people, we struggle to live positively in the present moment. We are either experiencing something we dislike and creating or multiplying an aversion to it, or we are longing for...craving for something we do like. Or maybe both at the same time. The Vipassana technique helps to liberate us from these cravings and aversions. Looking at all situations objectively and understanding their impermanence, we can avoid becoming too attached to or too spiteful toward any situation.

This, in turn, helps us to live in better relationships with other people. We begin to feel less entitlement to things or feelings or ways of living. We begin to appreciate the way in which people are different from us and understand why they do what they do. We begin to want all beings to experience the same sort of happiness and contentness with whatever we have in front of us at the time. And so we live more compassionately and more lovingly toward one another and toward our environment. This is called Dana, selfless love or selfless giving.

The final goal, so to speak, is Panna, wisdom or insight that purifies the mind. Actually, there are three levels of Panna. 1) suta-maya panna - wisdom gained by listening to others. 2) cinta-maya panna - intellectual or analytical understanding. 3) bhavana-maya panna - wisdom based on direct, personal experience. I experienced the first when I was told about the meditation course, the second when I read about Vipassana and received instructions for meditating, and I am now in the process of developing the third by experiencing the meditation itself. Purifying the mind through bhavana-maya panna can lead to full enlightenment for those who fully invest in the technique.

Eventually, the idea is that one becomes aware of all physiological sensations on the surface level and the interior of the body, looking at these sensations objectively and with an understanding that they all arise and pass away. If one can do this with their own body, it sharpens the mind to apply the same concept to their life, and thus one can live free from cravings and aversions, peacefully experiencing each moment as it arises. But you can't crave for the sensation - then you would just be creating a new misery for yourself!

By the end of the course, we had all become good friends without really talking with one another. I could barely talk when we first broke the silence, and other people had the same problem, too. One of the first topics of conversation was the tremor that we experienced on the ninth day. A few people made the comment that our meditation was getting to be a little too powerful if it was going to shake the ground underneath us.

It's a pretty amazing thing that these Vipassana courses can sustain themselves. New students are not required to pay anything and only at the end of the 10-day course can they make a donation that would be used for the next course in that country. All other expenses come from donations to the bigger Vipassana organization and, in greater part, from returning students. It's that Dana, the selfless giving, that allows the technique to continue to be passed around the world. Hopefully I'll be able to experience that giving back next year.

Holy Semana Santa!

So it's almost been a month since the start of Holy Week, but I figure I should at least capture the week's events, because it was a week fully of activity. Unfortunately I have no pictures, because the one time I was carrying my camera, the batteries died out pretty quick.

The party side of Holy Week takes place down at La Bocana (the estuary - where a river flows into an ocean). A few weeks before Holy Week, they started paving the road that leads down to the Bocana, much to my chagrin since the dirt/gravel was softer on my knees when I go running down that way. Now, I had heard that the Bocana was the place to be during Holy Week, but I just thought there would be a half dozen or so tents and a couple performances on this stage that just sits there the rest of the year. I had anticipated that all of the activity would take place at the turn-about at the end of the road.


Well, it turns out that the festivities cover hundres of feet of beach and bluff, and there are actually about a hundred tents (maybe more), most of which are eateries/bars, as well as the same carnival set up they had in December, and they even put up a lifeguard tower to keep an eye on people swimming during the day. They also completed the stairway that previously just dropped off into the estuary so you could actually cross OVER the river instead of THROUGH it. High class! The vagos (bums) of Port find their way down to the Bocana and spend most of the week drinking; that's the only down side. But it's still a place to go hang out for the rest of the world.

I only made it down there a couple times, though, because I was occupied with choir activities most of the week. Lots of walking. It started on Palm Sunday. Normally, morning mass is at 8:00am, but this time, the service started at one of the capillas (chapels) with the blessing of the Palms. From there, we marched through the streets of Bilwi, Palms in hand, singing hymns all the way to the church. It was a good 45 minutes of processing and singing through the streets. We also sang at the evening mass that night.

Monday was just practice...for five hours. Uy! See, the problem is that we didn't really practice for Holy Week festivities until Holy Week started. For example, the first time we practiced anything for the Easter Vigil on Saturday night was on Saturday morning. We didn't exactly sing beautifully that night.

Monday I also found out we were going to take a trip to a nearby community, Kwakwil, on Tuesday. The plan was to go there and sing for the people and distribute some medications to the community. Well, the short story is that we had to find someone else to drive us after the first guy just didn't show up on Tuesday afternoon. Fortunately we found someone, but the truck was kind of small, so we were a little scrunched for space (i.e. my right leg hanging out the back of the pick-up), and the weight probably contributed to the flat on the way (wouldn't be a Nica road trip without at least one flat tire, right?). Nonetheless we made it to Kwakwil.

When we got there, they didn't have the speakers that we were told they would have, which kind of disappointed our pianist, because he loves to hear himself play. Additionally, we thought the people in the community knew we were coming, but that didn't seem to be the case. So after we got word out about our presence and got organized, we sang for the people and then called it a night. We had about 15 of us in a little three room house, about 20 ft x 20 ft. Wood floor, no mattresses, no pillows, just lay down and good luck. It was good enough for the night and then the next day we distributed the medications before heading back to Port.

Holy Thursday's evening mass was pretty ordinary by my standards. Last Supper, cover the cross after the service, nothing too exciting.

Friday morning we had the Viacrucis (Stations of the Cross). We started out by the Movistar antenna (which I know helps you locate yourself, I'm sure) and started making our way to the church around 7:30am. We'd walk for five or ten minutes, singing various depressing hymns before stopping along the way at the Stations. We in the choir were supposed to be together in the front, but we all got scattered throughout the procession and by the end, I was pretty much in the back. I guess I don't push my way through crowds as well as other people. Anyway, we got to the church around 10:15am or so and had a brief ceremony to close off the stations.

Friday afternoon, we had a "non-mass". I didn't realize this was a rule, but I guess you're not supposed to have the liturgy of the Eucharist on Good Friday. So we had the liturgy of the word, then used Eucharist blessed from the previous day in order to have communion, then had time for people to pass forward to kiss the cross. A mass, but, ya know, not really. And Bishop David made sure to point out that we didn't have mass, just in case anyone though we were being scandalous.

After the non-mass, we had the Santo Entierro (Holy Burial). Ok, so if you've ever gone to a big cathedral, especially in Latin America, in one of the "wings" of the cathedral, there's often what I call the Scary Jesus. This Jesus is dripping with blood from his side and looking like he's about to die, as though Jesus didn't die before he was laid in the tomb. Anywho, so although the church here in Port isn't a cathedral, it does have one of these Scary Jesuses in the back of the church. Santo Entierro consists of marching this ginormous thing around town and singing more depressing hymns. More walking - Cripes! Thankfully there were like 10 guys that were taking regular shifts on carrying this thing (it took about ten to carry it, and you definitely needed breaks). I took about a 15 minute shift and that was more than enough. It probably didn't help that I'm tall relative to most people here, so I either had to stand up straight and bear a majority of the weight or walk like a homo medio erectus (if a combination of Spanish and English is called Spanglish, does that mean a combination of Spanish and Latin is Spatin?) and hope I wouldn't trip.

Well, I was beat by the end of that trip, another couple hours marching around town, ready for bed.

Saturday morning we had choir practice and then went home for lunch before coming early to the convent to practice again before the vigil. We practiced at the convent, because the Easter Vigil service actually started out at Colegio Niño Jesús (right by the convent) for the blessing of the fire. So guess what we're going to do next - March the Easter Candle around town singing less depressing coritos (hmmm...good translation for coritos...I guess "choruses", like, short refrains of songs that everyone knows or can pick up on relatively quickly). The Easter Vigil itself was pretty typical with all the readings and such. Oh, one thing that's a hit is the blessing of the water. Everyone brings buckets/gallons/bottles of water to be blessed. People from other faiths that never come to a Catholic service even bring their water to get blessed. I couldn't get a good answer on what happens to this water, except one person told me that if someone were to get sick, they might drink this Holy Water. Whatever floats your boat, I guess!

Then after the vigil people started talking about spending the night at the church. I guess a bunch of people stay up all night at the church until there's a service at 4am. Well, I wasn't feeling super by this time, so I declined. Plus, last time I stayed up all night and went to mass in the morning, I had to leave after the homily because I nearly fell over from falling asleep standing up.

I'm hoping there were a lot of people at that 4:00am service, because Easter Masses were kind of like Christmas Day and New Years Day masses. Everyone shows up the night before and barely anyone's there for what we in the States would consider the main event. There were maybe 100 people at the 8am mass and like 50 or so at the 6pm mass.

So that was Holy Week. By devoting so much time to the church, I built up enough good Karma to get an invite the next day to the Vipassana meditation course I was on the waiting list for. I'll try to write about that soon.